Book Summary: 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Take Back Your Power Embrace Change Face Your Fears and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success by Amy Morin

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Take Back Your Power Embrace Change Face Your Fears and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success by Amy Morin’s revolutionary book is a how-to manual for developing mental toughness and achieving personal development.

To preserve their strength and well-being, mentally strong people refrain from thirteen self-destructive practices, which are listed by Morin in this book. Morin shows how kicking bad patterns like putting your power away, dreading change, and looking for acceptance from others can lead to a more powerful and satisfying existence with helpful counsel and perceptive examples.

This book provides readers with practical methods for developing mental toughness, overcoming obstacles in life with assurance, and creating long-lasting success and satisfaction.

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Take Back Your Power Embrace Change Face Your Fears and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success Introduction

I was greatly shaken when, at the age of twenty-three, I unexpectedly lost my mother to a brain aneurysm. Even though she was in excellent condition and we had spent our last happy night together, her sudden passing left me feeling incredibly empty.

Since I knew that to effectively help others, I as a therapist needed to face my feelings, I took some time off to process my loss.
I discovered that grieving is a unique experience that takes time and self-compassion.

With the help of my religion and the support of my loved ones, I was able to find comfort and a way to smile when I think of her.

Years later, when the third anniversary of my mother’s passing drew near, my spouse Lincoln and I decided to pay tribute to her memory by going back to the location of our last meeting. The visit brought up happy memories and was both bittersweet and consoling. But that night took a terrible turn for the worst when Lincoln passed away from a heart attack, leaving me a twenty-six-year-old widow.

His unexpected death and the unresolved pain from my mother’s death left me finding it difficult to deal with yet another devastating loss.

In my grief, I wrote a list of “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do,” drawing from my experiences and professional insights. This list became a guide to help me navigate my new reality and rebuild my life.

By avoiding detrimental habits and focusing on mental strength, I aimed to move forward with resilience. Despite the ongoing challenges, including the subsequent illness of my father-in-law, I found that confronting and understanding these habits was crucial for personal growth and reaching my full potential.

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Take Back Your Power Embrace Change Face Your Fears and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success Table Of Contents

DEDICATION

INTRODUCTION

WHAT IS MENTAL STRENGTH?

CHAPTER 1
THEY DON’T WASTE TIME FEELING SORRY FOR THEMSELVES

CHAPTER 2
THEY DON’T GIVE AWAY THEIR POWER

CHAPTER 3
THEY DON’T SHY AWAY FROM CHANGE

CHAPTER 4
THEY DON’T FOCUS ON THINGS THEY CAN’T CONTROL

CHAPTER 5
THEY DON’T WORRY ABOUT PLEASING EVERYONE

CHAPTER 6
THEY DON’T FEAR TAKING CALCULATED RISKS

CHAPTER 7
THEY DON’T DWELL ON THE PAST

CHAPTER 8
THEY DON’T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES OVER AND OVER

CHAPTER 9
THEY DON’T RESENT OTHER PEOPLE’S SUCCESS

CHAPTER 10
THEY DON’T GIVE UP AFTER THE FIRST FAILURE

CHAPTER 11
THEY DON’T FEAR ALONE TIME

CHAPTER 12
THEY DON’T FEEL THE WORLD OWES THEM ANYTHING

CHAPTER 13
THEY DON’T EXPECT IMMEDIATE RESULTS

CONCLUSION
MAINTAINING YOUR MENTAL STRENGTH

REFERENCES

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

COPYRIGHT

ABOUT THE PUBLISHERS

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Take Back Your Power Embrace Change Face Your Fears and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success Summary

WHAT IS MENTAL STRENGTH?

Mental strength is not a binary trait; rather, everyone has some degree of it, with room for growth. It involves regulating emotions, managing thoughts, and maintaining positive behavior despite circumstances. Some people might naturally develop mental strength more easily due to genetics, personality traits, or life experiences. However, anyone can enhance their mental strength with dedicated effort.

Just as there are those among us who are predisposed to develop physical strength more easily than others, mental strength seems to come more naturally to some people. There are several factors at play to determine the ease at which you develop mental strength:

• Genetics—Genes play a role in whether or not you may be more prone to mental health issues, such as mood disorders.
  
• Personality—Some people have personality traits that help them think more realistically and behave more positively by nature.
  
• Experiences—Your life experiences influence how you think about yourself, other people, and the world in general.

The Basis of Mental Strength

Consider a person anxious about social interactions who avoids conversations, leading to a cycle of increased anxiety and self-doubt. This illustrates how thoughts, behaviors, and emotions are interconnected and can perpetuate negative cycles. Developing mental strength involves:

1. Thoughts: Identifying and replacing irrational thoughts with realistic ones.
2. Behaviors: Acting positively despite circumstances.
3. Emotions: Managing emotions so they don’t control you.

Positive thinking alone isn’t enough; balancing emotions with rational thinking is crucial. For example, fearing snakes in a region without poisonous ones requires overriding irrational panic with logical reasoning to make better decisions.

Benefits of Mental Strength

Mental strength helps in various aspects of life, especially during challenges. Benefits include:

• Increased Resilience: Better stress management and problem-solving capabilities.
• Improved Life Satisfaction: Enhanced confidence and alignment with personal values.
• Enhanced Performance: Greater effectiveness in personal and professional goals.

Developing Mental Strength

Becoming mentally strong requires practice, not just reading. Like athletes and musicians who improve through practice, developing mental strength involves applying the principles discussed, not just checking off tasks. It’s about continuous growth and improvement.

Truths About Mental Strength

There are several misconceptions about mental strength:

• It’s Not About Acting Tough: Mental strength is about aligning actions with values, not appearing tough.
• Emotions Aren’t Ignored: It involves understanding and managing emotions, not suppressing them.
• Not About Physical Limits: It’s about knowing when to push through and when to heed your feelings.
• Doesn’t Mean Self-Reliance: It includes acknowledging when to seek help and recognizing support from others or a higher power.
• Realistic Thinking Over Positive Thinking: Mental strength is about rational and realistic thinking, not forced positivity.
• Not About Chasing Happiness: It’s about making decisions that help you reach your full potential, rather than forcing happiness.
• Not a Trend: Mental strength is a long-established concept in psychology, not a passing fad.
• Different from Mental Health: Mental strength involves developing healthy habits despite mental health challenges, not just a state of mental wellness.

CHAPTER 1: THEY DON’T WASTE TIME FEELING SORRY FOR THEMSELVES

A compelling reminder is provided in Chapter 1 that people may choose to be self-pitying or constructive, and that decision can lead to a more successful and meaningful life. Through practicing mindfulness, accepting accountability, and taking proactive measures to address obstacles, individuals can improve their mental resilience and general state of health.

The book by Amy Morin discusses the dangers of self-pity and offers doable methods for avoiding it. The chapter emphasizes how self-pity can impede mental toughness and personal development and provides doable strategies for escaping this destructive way of thinking.

The Problem with Self-Pity

Self-pity is portrayed as a major barrier to personal development. When people indulge in self-pity, they tend to wallow in their problems, focusing on how unfortunate they are rather than seeking solutions.

This indulgence often leads to a cycle of negative thinking, where individuals become trapped in their own despair and are unable to take proactive steps to improve their situations. This mindset prevents them from addressing challenges effectively and moving forward.

Why We Feel Sorry for Ourselves

The chapter explores the reasons behind self-pity, such as seeking validation, avoiding responsibility, or escaping from uncomfortable emotions. It often stems from a desire to gain sympathy or a lack of coping skills to deal with adversity. By focusing on their own suffering, people may feel temporarily comforted but ultimately remain stuck in their problems.

Strategies to Overcome Self-Pity

Morin emphasizes the importance of shifting from self-pity to gratitude. By recognizing and appreciating the positive aspects of life, individuals can change their perspective and improve their mental resilience. The chapter provides practical exercises to help readers reframe their thoughts.

For example, keeping a gratitude journal can help individuals focus on what’s going well in their lives rather than dwelling on their misfortunes.

Adopting a Proactive Mindset

Mentally strong individuals don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves. Instead, they acknowledge their emotions, take responsibility for their actions, and focus on problem-solving. This proactive approach enables them to address challenges head-on and view setbacks as opportunities for growth. By adopting this mindset, they build resilience and strengthen their mental well-being.

Examples and Exercises

The chapter includes various examples and exercises to illustrate the principles discussed. Morin provides real-life scenarios where people successfully overcame self-pity by embracing gratitude and proactive problem-solving. These examples serve as motivational tools, demonstrating that it’s possible to change one’s mindset and improve life outcomes.

CHAPTER 2: THEY DON’T GIVE AWAY THEIR POWER

Amy Morin, stresses the value of preserving one’s strength to develop mental fortitude and general well-being. According to Morin, those who are mentally powerful deliberately refrain from doing anything that would give others the ability to influence or manipulate their feelings and actions.

She emphasizes that maintaining one’s power requires being self-aware and having the capacity to set appropriate limits. The chapter explores the negative consequences of ceding control, including low self-worth, elevated stress levels, and a lack of personal fulfillment. Morin gives helpful guidance on how to spot when one is ceding control and suggests tactics for doing so.

By doing this, people can live more independent and satisfying lives in which they make choices based on their principles and convictions rather than those of others. The chapter ends with practical recommendations for readers to strengthen their mental fortitude and maintain their sense of personal agency.

CHAPTER 3: THEY DON’T SHY AWAY FROM CHANGE

People with strong mental faculties see that change is an inherent aspect of life and that fighting against it would only impede their development. Rather of being afraid of the unknown, they welcome change as a chance for personal growth and novel experiences.

Although these people understand that change can be difficult, they also understand that it is an essential part of personal growth. They are better prepared to deal with the uncertainties and difficulties that come with life when they take a proactive approach to change.

Mentally tough people focus on the things they can control, have a flexible mentality, and establish specific goals to get ready for change. Instead of seeing losses as failures, they see them as teaching moments that strengthen their resilience.

They also engage in self-reflection to comprehend how they emotionally react to change, which aids in stress management and upholding an optimistic mindset.

This chapter highlights the significance of adjusting to change with determination and grace, emphasizing that one of the main characteristics of mental toughness is the capacity to welcome change.

CHAPTER 4: THEY DON’T FOCUS ON THINGS THEY CAN’T CONTROL

The author stresses the need to understand and accept one’s limitations in control in this chapter. Those with strong mental faculties are aware that dwelling on circumstances beyond of their control might cause unneeded tension and worry.

Rather, they focus their energies on the things that they can control, which gives them the ability to alter their life in a significant way. The author uses a variety of techniques and examples to clarify this idea, including accepting oneself, focusing on proactive thinking, and finding controllable issues.

Refocusing on one’s actions and reactions instead of random outside occurrences might help people develop resilience and keep their mental health in better shape.

CHAPTER 5: THEY DON’T WORRY ABOUT PLEASING EVERYONE

The author explores the negative consequences of continuously looking for acceptance from others in this chapter. People with good mental faculties understand that trying to please everyone would only cause needless tension and anguish. Rather, they put their own beliefs and ideals ahead of the want for approval from others.

The chapter places a strong emphasis on the value of establishing personal limits and accepting that not everyone will share or approve of them.

Mentally strong people are aware that their value is independent of other people’s perceptions of them. Their emphasis is on personal development and self-improvement, which results in more genuine and satisfying relationships.

In addition, the author offers doable tactics for overcoming the impulse to appease everyone, such as developing assertiveness, knowing when to say no, and thinking about one’s wants and goals. People may take back control of their lives and lead more fulfilling, balanced lives by doing this.

CHAPTER 6: THEY DON’T FEAR TAKING CALCULATED RISKS

The author emphasizes in this chapter the value of taking measured risks as a necessary quality of mentally strong people. The emphasis is on differentiating between calculated risks and careless choices, stressing the need for forethought, appraisal, and strategic planning. According to the author, taking calculated risks entails a deliberate procedure in which possible outcomes are carefully examined and potential hazards are taken into account.

Mentally strong people may make well-informed decisions that can result in substantial personal and professional improvement by carefully weighing the advantages and disadvantages. The chapter also discusses typical anxieties related to taking risks, such as the fear of failing or the unknown, and offers coping mechanisms.

People are more willing to take chances and take advantage of the opportunities they bring when they adopt a mentality that sees failure as a teaching opportunity rather than a setback. In closing, the author exhorts readers to venture outside of their comfort zones and take calculated risks that are consistent with their principles and long-term objectives.

CHAPTER 7: THEY DON’T DWELL ON THE PAST

The necessity of keeping an eye on the present and future rather than getting mired in the past is emphasized in this chapter. It goes into detail on how reflecting on previous transgressions, regrets, or tragedies might impede one’s ability to grow personally and mentally.

While it is normal to think back on the past, the author Amy Morin contends that it is important to resist allowing such memories to control one’s feelings or choices in the present.

The chapter offers techniques for letting go of the past, including mindfulness exercises, positive thinking reframing, and goal-setting for the future.

People can increase their emotional resilience and obtain a sharper perspective by doing this. The chapter also provides instances of actual people who have effectively moved past their pasts to live happy, satisfying lives.

All things considered, it promotes a sensible strategy that lets one learn from the past without letting it overwhelm the present or the future.

CHAPTER 8: THEY DON’T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES OVER AND OVER

The author, Amy Morin, explores the value of reflecting on the past and the techniques used by mentally tough people to prevent making the same mistakes twice in this chapter. She underlines that while everyone makes mistakes, the capacity to reflect on and grow from them makes all the difference.

Those who possess mental toughness are self-aware and thoughtful; they take the time to figure out what went wrong and why. Instead of concentrating on doable actions to enhance future results, they resist the temptation to indulge in self-pity or justifications.

Morin advises keeping an open mind and viewing every error as a chance for improvement rather than a setback. This entails asking for input, being open to make changes, and being honest with oneself. The importance of resilience and tenacity in overcoming repeated mistakes is covered in more detail later in the chapter.

People may break the pattern of making the same mistakes over and over again and open the door to more fruitful and satisfying activities by cultivating these traits.

CHAPTER 9: THEY DON’T RESENT OTHER PEOPLE’S SUCCESS

Amy Morin examines the negative impacts of jealousy in this chapter, including how it might impede one’s personal advancement and well-being.

The author makes a point of saying that feelings like jealousy and anger are unhealthy since they drain mental resources and produce unfavorable thought patterns. Rather, psychologically tough people draw inspiration and motivation from the accomplishments of others to achieve their objectives.

They realize that their chances of success are not diminished by the accomplishments of others. Morin offers doable methods for overcoming feelings of jealousy, including cultivating appreciation, concentrating on one’s development, and sincerely appreciating the successes of others.

People may make their surroundings more uplifting and encouraging for both themselves and the people around them by changing the way they think.

CHAPTER 10: THEY DON’T GIVE UP AFTER THE FIRST FAILURE

The significance of persistence and tenacity in the face of setbacks is emphasized throughout the chapter. It describes how psychologically tough people see failure as a springboard for achievement rather than as a dead end.

The author, Amy Morin, demonstrates how failure can be an effective teaching tool with a plethora of anecdotes and research data. Reframing failures as chances for personal development helps people develop the mental toughness required to push through obstacles and keep going ahead.

The chapter also covers methods for sustaining a commitment to long-term objectives and motivation in the face of unsatisfactory immediate outcomes.

CHAPTER 11: THEY DON’T FEAR ALONE TIME

Chapter 11 stresses the value of valuing alone time and demonstrates how people with good mental faculties make the most of their alone time. It makes the case that being alone yourself does not equate to loneliness but rather presents a chance for introspection, development, and renewal.

The author makes the case that spending time alone oneself is essential for developing mental and emotional clarity, which enables one to make better judgments.

Strong minds understand that spending time alone may lower stress and boost creativity. They face their unease and anxieties about being alone themselves, realizing that isolation may result in a more profound awareness of oneself.

CHAPTER 12: THEY DON’T FEEL THE WORLD OWES THEM ANYTHING

The author stresses in CHAPTER 12: THEY DON’T FEEL THE WORLD OWES THEM ANYTHING, how critical it is to give up entitlement and embrace personal accountability. Mentally strong people don’t expect benefits for just existing; they know they have nothing to give the world.

They acknowledge that there may be intrinsic unfairness in life, but instead of focusing on these injustices, they try to manage their destiny and make positive contributions to it.

They can overcome obstacles with fortitude and agility because of their proactive attitude. The negative consequences of entitlement are also covered in this chapter, including how it can lead to resentment, impede personal development, and raise irrational expectations.

CHAPTER 13: THEY DON’T EXPECT IMMEDIATE RESULTS

The author of this chapter stresses the need for perseverance and patience in reaching long-term objectives. Mentally strong people are prepared to work hard without anticipating immediate rewards because they recognize that big achievements need time and effort.

The chapter explores how our culture’s fixation on instant gratification and fast cures can be harmful to one’s development. It also emphasizes how crucial it is to have a long-term outlook and set reasonable expectations.

People can increase their chances of attaining long-term success and develop resilience by putting more emphasis on continuous development than on quick achievements.

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Take Back Your Power Embrace Change Face Your Fears and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success Book Back Cover

About The Author Amy Morin

Amy Morin is a renowned psychotherapist and mental strength trainer, celebrated for her international bestselling books in the 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do series, which have sold over 1 million copies and are available in more than 40 languages.

She is also the award-winning host of the Mentally Stronger podcast and delivered one of the most popular TEDx talks of all time. Recognized by The Guardian as the “self-help guru of the moment” and named a “thought leadership star” by Forbes, Amy Morin combines her expertise with a unique lifestyle, residing on a sailboat in the Florida Keys.

For more insights and resources, visit her online at amymorinlcsw.com.

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