Book Summary: The Courage to Be Disliked: How to Free Yourself Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness by Ichiro Kishimi – Fumitake Koga

The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga is an international sensation that has transformed the lives of millions. Drawing on the profound psychological theories of Alfred Adler, one of the pioneers of modern psychology, the book delivers life-changing lessons that guide readers to liberate their true selves, let go of past traumas, and break free from societal pressures.

A TikTok sensation with over 10 million copies sold worldwide, The Courage to Be Disliked combines accessible wisdom with transformative insights, showing readers how to cultivate the courage to change their lives and become their truest selves.

The Courage to Be Disliked: How to Free Yourself Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness by Ichiro Kishimi – Fumitake Koga Overview

” YOUTH: I want to ask you once again, do you believe that the world is, in all ways, a simple place?

PHILOSOPHER: Yes, this world is astonishingly simple, and life itself is too.

YOUTH: So, is this your idealistic argument, or is it a workable theory? What I mean is, are you saying that any issues you or I face in life are simple too?

PHILOSOPHER: Yes, of course.

YOUTH: Alright then, but let me explain why I have come to visit you today. Firstly, I want to debate this with you until I am satisfied, and then, if possible, I want to get you to retract this theory.

PHILOSOPHER: Ha-ha.

YOUTH: Because I have heard all about your reputation. The word is that there is an eccentric philosopher living here whose teachings and arguments are hard to ignore, namely, that people can change, that the world is simple and that everyone can be happy. That is the sort of thing I have heard, but I find that view unacceptable, so I wanted to confirm things for myself. If I find anything you say completely off, I will point it out and then correct you. But will you find that annoying?

PHILOSOPHER: No, I would welcome it. I have been hoping to hear from a young person just like you and to learn as much as possible from what you can tell me.”

In this easy-to-understand dialogue between a philosopher and a young man, the authors explore the principles of self-forgiveness, mind decluttering, and the power of self-determination. The philosopher teaches that we are not defined by our past or the expectations of others; rather, we hold the power to shape our future and achieve lasting happiness.

The philosopher maintains that our view of the world is subjective – we give the world its meaning. According to him, the world does not become complex; we make it complex. He also believes in the human ability to change and find happiness, an idea that the youth strongly disputes. This book explores these thought-provoking ideas and the philosophical discourse between the two characters, promising its readers a journey into the depth of life’s truths.

The Courage to Be Disliked: How to Free Yourself Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness by Ichiro Kishimi – Fumitake Koga Quotes

1. A healthy feeling of inferiority is not something that comes from comparing oneself to others; it comes from one’s comparison with one’s ideal self

2. Do Not Live to Satisfy the Expectations of Others

3. None of us live in an objective world, but instead in a subjective world that we ourselves have given meaning to. The world you see is different from the one I see, and it’s impossible to share your world with anyone else.

4. One has to stand on one’s own two feet, and take one’s own steps forward with the tasks of interpersonal relations. One needs to think not, What will this person give me? but rather, What can I give to this person? That is commitment to the community.

5. Why is it that people seek recognition from others? In many cases, it is due to the influence of reward-and-punishment education.

6. The reason that so many people don’t really feel happy while they’re building up their success in the eyes of society is that they are living in competition.

7. Children who have not been taught to confront challenges will try to avoid all challenges.

8. But as long as one continues to use one’s misfortune to one’s advantage in order to be ‘special’, one will always need that misfortune.

9. If you think you are right, regardless of what other people’s opinions might be, the matter should be closed then and there.

10. Why is it necessary to be special? Probably because one cannot accept one’s normal self.

11. We are not determined by our experiences, but the meaning we give them is self-determining.

12. No matter what has occurred in your life up to this point, it should have no bearing at all on how you live from now on.’ That you, living in the here and now, are the one

13. value is something that’s based on a social context.

The Courage to Be Disliked: How to Free Yourself Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness by Ichiro Kishimi – Fumitake Koga Book Details

The Courage to Be Disliked: How to Free Yourself Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness by Ichiro Kishimi – Fumitake Koga Table Of Contents

Introduction

THE FIRST NIGHT

• Deny Trauma
• The Unknown ‘Third Giant’
• Why People Change
• Trauma Does Not Exist
• People Fabricate Anger
• How to Live Without Being Controlled by the Past
• Socrates and Adler
• Are You Okay Just as You Are?
• Unhappiness is Something You Choose for Yourself
• People Always Choose Not to Change
• Your Life is Decided Here and Now

THE SECOND NIGHT

• All Problems Are Interpersonal Relationship Problems
• Why You Dislike Yourself
• Feelings of Inferiority Are Subjective Assumptions
• Inferiority Is an Excuse
• Braggarts Have Feelings of Inferiority
• Life Is Not a Competition
• You’re the Only One Worrying About Your Life
• From Power Struggle to Revenge
• Admitting Fault Is Not Defeat
• Overcoming the Tasks That Face You in Life
• Red String and Rigid Chains
• Don’t Fall for the ‘Life-Lie’
• From the Burden of Possession to the Freedom of Practice

THE THIRD NIGHT

• Discard Other People’s Tasks
• Deny the Desire for Recognition
• Do Not Live to Satisfy the Expectations of Others
• How to Separate Tasks
• How to Rid Yourself of Relationship Problems
• Cut the Gordian Knot
• Desire for Recognition Makes You Unfree
• What Real Freedom Is
• You Hold the Cards to Interpersonal Relationships

THE FOURTH NIGHT

• Where the Centre of the World Is
• Individual Psychology and Holism
• The Goal of Interpersonal Relationships is a Feeling of Community
• Why Am I Only Interested in Myself?
• You Are Not the Centre of the World
• Listen to the Voice of a Larger Community
• Do Not Rebuke or Praise
• The Encouragement Approach
• How to Feel You Have Value
• Exist in the Present
• People Make Proper Use of Self

THE FIFTH NIGHT

• To Live Earnestly in the Here and Now
• Excessive Self-Esteem Stifles the Self
• Not Self-Affirmation—Self-Acceptance
• The Difference Between Trust and Confidence
• The Essence of Work is a Contribution to the Common Good
• Young People Walk Ahead of Adults
• Workaholism is a Life-Lie
• You Can Be Happy Now
• Two Paths Traveled by Those Wanting to Be ‘Special Beings’
• The Courage to Be Normal
• Life is a Series of Moments
• Live Like You’re Dancing
• Shine a Light on the Here and Now
• The Greatest Life-Lie
• Give Meaning to Seemingly Meaningless Life

Afterword

The Courage to Be Disliked: How to Free Yourself Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness by Ichiro Kishimi – Fumitake Koga Book Summary

THE FIRST NIGHT

Discover thought-provoking dialogue between a philosopher and a youth as they unpack the common habit of making excuses that hold us back from chasing our dreams. Embrace the philosopher’s urge to take action, tackle challenges head-on, and execute decisions that guide you toward a future of fulfillment. Understand that your past doesn’t control your future – you have the power to carve your path starting this very moment.

THE SECOND NIGHT

Discover a profound understanding of the complexities of interpersonal relationships in Part 2 of our text.

It delves into the realm of psychological concepts surrounding feelings of inferiority and superiority. We navigate you through how these feelings are often subjective assumptions that can cripple personal growth.

The part also unveils how power struggles, refusal to admit faults, and evasion of life tasks, all contribute to an unhealthy mental and emotional state.

From decodable love relationships and the freedom of courage to a detailed understanding of parent-child dynamics, this part helps you unchain yourself from the burden of comparison, false bravado, and the deceit of life. Learn to approach life not as a competition, but as a journey of self-improvement and personal growth.

THE THIRD NIGHT

This Chapter follows the philosophical conversation about seeking real freedom and mastering interpersonal relationships. It advises against getting entangled in other people’s tasks and emphasizes the importance of concentrating on one’s own goals. It asserts that the desire for recognition can trap you into an unfree way of living, pushing you to live to satisfy the expectations of others – a lifestyle it strongly discourages.

The text explores the concept of task separation, breaking down how not intervening in other people’s tasks can help not only in personal growth but also in boosting your relationships. It uses the analogy of ‘Cutting the Gordian Knot,’ a tale from Alexander the Great, to explain how changing your perspective can unravel complex relationship issues.

Lastly, the document emphasizes that you hold the power over your interpersonal relationships. With understanding and a focus on genuine freedom, you can navigate and improve your relationships, shaping your life according to your desires.

THE FOURTH NIGHT

The continuous conversation in the fourth night between a Youth and a Philosopher explores the complex layers of Adlerian psychology. This part provides a profound look at topics such as individual psychology, holism, community feeling, and interpersonal relationships.

In this chapter, you will :

• Find clarity on the separation of tasks and the role of praise and intervention in relationships, as articulated by the philosopher.
• Discover the secrets of building horizontal relationships, understanding the sense of worth, and learning to be useful to others.
• Join the Youth in challenging the Philosopher’s views on worth, relationships, and responsibility.

This engaging discourse promises to serve as a launchpad to self-discovery and understanding, as you explore the intriguing principles of Adlerian psychology.

THE FIFTH NIGHT

This Chapter presents the dialogue on various topics – from understanding self-consciousness and community feeling to exploring self-realization and the pursuit of superiority.

Learn about the importance of self-acceptance, confidence in others, and contributing to the community as essential paths to happiness.

The Chapter delves deeper into the concept of living fully in the present moment, assigning personal meaning to one’s life, and how individual change can make a significant impact on the world.

Embrace the courage to be normal, to dance earnestly at each moment, and to understand life as a series of moments.

About the Author:   Ichiro Kishimi – Fumitake Koga

Ichiro Kishimi was born in Kyoto, where he continues to reside. As a respected writer and lecturer on Adlerian psychology, he also works as a certified counselor and consultant for the Japanese Society of Adlerian Psychology, providing counseling for youths in psychiatric clinics.

Kishimi has translated several of Alfred Adler’s key works into Japanese, including The Science of Living and Problems of Neurosis. He is also the author of Introduction to Adlerian Psychology and numerous other books.

Fumitake Koga is an award-winning professional writer and author of several bestselling business and general non-fiction books. In his late twenties, Koga discovered Adlerian psychology and was profoundly influenced by its unconventional ideas. Following this, he made frequent trips to Kyoto to study with Ichiro Kishimi.

From these encounters, Koga distilled the essence of Adlerian psychology and adopted the classical “dialogue format” of Greek philosophy used in this book.

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