How to Stop Trying: A Guide to Self-Acceptance and Letting Go by Kate Williams – Book Summary

In How to Stop Trying, Kate Williams delivers a sharp, humorous critique of hustle culture and the relentless pressure on women to overachieve. Through personal anecdotes and cultural insights, she explores why we feel compelled to constantly “try harder” and how to break free from this exhausting cycle.

This book is a must-read for overachievers, perfectionists, and anyone struggling with self-worth tied to productivity. Williams challenges societal norms, offering a refreshing perspective on self-acceptance, letting go, and finding fulfillment without burnout.

Key Questions the Book Answers

❓ What’s wrong with the constant emphasis on “trying”?
❓ Why do women feel pressured to try relentlessly?
❓ Is “never quitting” always beneficial?
❓ How can we break free from toxic self-improvement cycles?
❓ What’s the difference between healthy achievement and overachieving?
❓ How can we embrace self-acceptance instead of chasing perfection?

Book Details & Statistics

Attribute	Details
Title	How to Stop Trying: A Guide to Self-Acceptance and Letting Go
Author	Kate Williams
Publisher	Flatiron Books (March 11, 2025)
Pages	272
ISBN	978-1250340900
Genres	Self-Help, Nonfiction, Memoir, Mental Health
Best Sellers Rank	#73 in Midlife Self-Help, #1,649 in Happiness Self-Help

Top Quotes from the Book

“Give yourself a break.”
“Trying turns whatever you’re doing into labor.”
“Break the cycle of nonstop self-improvement and goal obsession.”
“Winners are not people who don’t quit. Winners are people who know when to quit.”
“Life isn’t just about trying. It’s about living.”

Chapter-by-Chapter Summary

1. Just Stop Swimming

Williams shares a personal story about joining the swim team to illustrate society’s pressure to persist even when miserable. She reframes quitting as self-preservation, not failure.

2. Internalized Misogyny Is a Real Bitch

Explores how women internalize societal expectations, leading to self-judgment. The solution? Dismantling patriarchal standards and granting ourselves compassion.

3. Main Character Energy

Encourages readers to prioritize their own needs instead of constantly serving others. Be the hero of your own story.

4. Maybe You’re Not ‘Just Tired’

Challenges the dismissal of women’s exhaustion—often a sign of burnout, depression, or emotional overload.

5. Looking on the Dark Side

Critiques toxic positivity and advocates for embracing all emotions, including sadness and anger, as part of healing.

6. Closure Is a Myth

Debunks the idea that we need “closure” to move on. True healing comes from letting go, not external validation.

7. Overachieving

Examines the difference between healthy ambition and compulsive overachieving driven by insecurity.

8. I Believe in a Thing Called Luck

Discusses the role of luck in success and why women often downplay their own achievements.

9. No Worries

Offers strategies to break the worry cycle and embrace relaxation as self-care.

10. Nothing Is Sacred

Encourages questioning societal norms that fuel unrealistic expectations.

11. Agree to Think You’re Pretty

Challenges negative self-perception and promotes radical self-acceptance.

12. Acceptance Isn’t Settling

Explains why accepting reality ≠ settling—true peace comes from embracing where you are.

13. The Afternoon of My Life

Reflects on aging and self-discovery, proving it’s never too late to reinvent yourself.

14. Girls Just Want to Have Friends

Highlights the power of female friendships over romanticized “hustle culture.”

15. Here Comes the Sun

A hopeful conclusion: Stop trying so hard—live authentically instead.

About the Author: Kate Williams

How to Stop Trying A Guide to Self-Acceptance and Letting Go by Kate Williams – Book Summary — Author’s image source: imdb.com

Kate Williams is a former prom queen, yearbook editor-in-chief, and class president who has spent the last twenty years working in women’s media in New York, Philadelphia, San Francisco, and Los Angeles. Her journalism has appeared in Nylon, Elle, and Cosmopolitan, among others, and she has worked behind the scenes for brands such as Urban Outfitters, Calvin Klein, and Nasty Gal.

A New York Times bestselling ghostwriter, she has written seven uncredited books in addition to four young adult novels: the Babysitters Coven trilogy and the thriller Never Coming Home. Originally from Kansas, she now lives by the beach with her family of humans and animals and seizes every opportunity to nap.